The ‘Real Housewives’ are back. Brace yourself for couture and a whole lot of yelling

For those of us who have watched since the premiere episode of “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City,” it’s hard to believe we’ve already arrived at the fifth season of the show. We’ve been through so much with these women — from a surprise arrest, lengthy trial and a prison sentence, to a son getting a mission call for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and departing for Colombia, to a traitorous cast member running a troll account slandering the women.
We’ve had so many ups and downs and twists and turns with this show, it’s impossible to predict everything coming for these women and their families. Plus knowing what’s coming next would take all the fun out of it.
But I do know a few things we can count on this season, based on our history together, and a dynamite season premiere that aired Wednesday night.
Last we left the women, they were all relatively united, thanks to being drawn together by a common enemy. Monica Garcia, aka “Reality Von tease” troll, had pretended to be their friend while running an anonymous Instagram account dedicated to posting disparaging things about the cast. The other women banded together to confront her both in the finale and the reunion. But now that some time has passed, the women have gone back to their old divided ways and formed alliances with, and against, each other.
At the “Besos” Valentine’s Day party that Lisa Barlow throws to kick off the season, Mary Cosby and Angie Katsanevas are seemingly the best of friends, a real turnabout from last season when Mary refused to acknowledge Angie’s existence. Lisa tells anyone who will listen that she’s upset with Whitney Rose because Whitney called Lisa a villain on a podcast. Meredith Marks is upset with Angie for accusations made last season and the lack of apologies she believes she is owed, and, in turn, Angie is upset with Meredith. To make a point of how upset she is, she unfurls a lengthy scroll in front of Meredith that lists every slight from Meredith for which she feels she deserves an apology.
New cast member Bronwyn Newport arrives at the premiere event wearing a heart-shaped, couture Yves Saint Laurent jacket and explains that it is one of three in the world. The second belongs to Rihanna, and the third is in a museum. One of the new tertiary “friends” this season remarks that she likes Bronwyn’s costume and is promptly scolded for not knowing the difference between fashion and Halloween. Later in the episode, Bronwyn is shown wearing a giant, leopard-print puffer jacket paired with matching boy shorts.
Her wardrobe choices are no surprise to those of us who follow her on Instagram. She has always been known for very wacky, very expensive, and very fun sartorial choices which make her look like, in her words “a Tim Burton character.” In the best way.
I’m positive we’ve only seen the tip of the Bronwyn Newport wardrobe iceberg.
If there’s one thing we can rely on every season of “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City,” it’s manufactured conflict usually on the part of a housewife desperate for a prominent storyline. That housewife appears to be Meredith Marks this season, and her conflict is with Whitney because Whitney sells bath bombs and Meredith believes bath bombs are “her thing” because she talks about baths a lot, even though Whitney has sold bath bombs since the inception of her skin care company.
This could not matter less and is a clear attempt by Meredith to get more screen time. I predict she’ll be talking about the bath bombs for at least four more episodes.
The latter half of the first episode features a whole bunch of raised voices. All the grievances, it seemed, were being aired at once and at a very high volume. What they were yelling about wasn’t as important as their commitment to the decibels.
Yelling at your friends turned enemies turned friends again turned enemies again in a public place requires a willingness to forego societal norms for the sake of the art — a reality television program that allows the viewer to turn off their brain and escape into a world of themed parties, couture outfits and petty arguments.
That much will always be constant. The real housewives of Salt Lake City always have, and always will, put on a great show.
“The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” airs Wednesday nights on Bravo and the following day on Peacock.